Some storms can rumble on for days wreaking havoc and devastation around them whilst others can be powerful in the moment causing temporary disruption. Coming to the realisation quite quickly that our previous match just wasn’t meant to be I actually felt quite resolved as I clicked post on my last blog.
As I released my finger, the phone rang out, making me jump. Momentarily I was reminded of our fostering days, as I used to be able to spot a call from the local authority a mile off; and through sheer FOMO (yes it’s a real thing) I’d find myself dropping everything to take it. I loved the unpredictability and excitement the role offered and learnt very early on that if you weren’t quick off the mark (certainly with emergency placements), you really would miss out as the worker made their way down ‘the list’ of available carers. Recognising the number on the screen I answered to the sound of a familiar voice ‘Now I know this isn’t quite what you had in mind, but I’ve got a little one and I wondered if you had a few minutes to talk?’
Walking around the shops in a daze not long after taking the call I found myself contemplating how you truly know when you’ve found ‘the one’. Well the truth be told, you don’t. The only way to navigate your way through the matching process is to be guided by your gut and much to my surprise mine was telling me that this felt right. Firstly I had a very strong connection to the little one’s story which I couldn’t ignore, secondly it continued to feel right and my connection grew as I read the CPR (child permanency report) and thirdly whilst this will sound like a romanticised notion for some, I looked for a sign and (just like my youngest) it came in the form of a name.
Later, gabbling down the phone to my husband (post bridge swinging) we both had exciting things to talk about. I told him everything I knew about our new link and even he couldn’t deny that it felt like a perfect fit for our family. Guess the name? I teased him as he randomly plucked one out of his head. ‘I’ll give you a clue, you are very close to this person….I mean very, very close’ second time round (twigging that it was someone he was with) he smashed it and we both laughed at the uncanniness of it all.
Fast forward a few days later and we were back in another meeting with social workers (due to budget cuts we scaled down on the size of the lunch second time round). Showing them around our now much tidier house (come on we all do it before a visit) the family finder stopped in the nursery.
‘You haven’t redecorated since I spoke to you have you?’ She asked looking surprised.
‘No it’s been like that all the time…..I must have known’ I laughed.
You see just like one of those Derren Brown moments, the subliminal messages had actually been there all along……..The rainbow painted on the nursery wall months ago, the colour we chose to paint the walls and the two massive boxes of clothes (brought down from the loft for a car boot) which I kept falling over.
A matter of days later during our ‘chemistry meeting’ I got to cradle my baby for the first time, I got to inhale my babies’ smell and as my baby slept soundly on my chest for a short while I secretly knew that I had finally found ‘the one’.
But oh boy I wasn’t expecting that!!
If you follow my blogs you will know that we embarked on this process adamant that it was going to be a baby girl completing our family. Laughably I have spent a year preparing our children for the arrival of their new baby sister, not to mention an entire process of telling our social worker (who was just as shocked as we were with the end result) that we would never be swayed. Despite all this, somehow this little fella has managed to defy all odds by making his way into our lives and truly capturing our hearts, making him one very special little boy indeed.
Breaking the news to our teenage daughter was ‘awks’ to say the least. As we sat side by side on a bench one sunny afternoon waiting for the boys to come out of school, I tentatively approached the subject about potentially having another brother. Her initial reaction was to laugh and then as she clocked the serious look in my eye (I’m not going to lie) her face quickly turned to one of sheer horror. Getting to her feet and stomping out of the playground she turned back and shouted (half serious, half joking) at the top of her voice ‘seriously Mum, no more willies!!’ I couldn’t help but laugh as one by one other parents turned to gawk.
That evening I trawled through all the gender reveal films (which didn’t quite go to plan) that I could find. Arming myself with several where the girl bursts into tears or has a rant at the prospect of having a brother I set to work at once spamming my daughter’s phone. Laughter filtered from across the landing and before long my phone started to ping in response, deep down I knew she wouldn’t be able to stay mad at me for long.
By the time we announced our news to the boys (who both fist bumped the air in a victory for team boy) our daughter had surprisingly come around to the news and was starting to revel at the concept of being an only girl (yes bribery really does work). As the siblings stood united in a pose for our gender reveal snaps I clicked the button on my camera and just as I did she jokingly pulled an unhappy face making everyone laugh.
Later that evening as I flipped through the images and landed on that particular one a distant memory emerged in my mind. Rummaging through some old photographs, it didn’t take long before I found what I was searching for.
And here it is the picture I took the first day she met her first ever brother during his introductions……and let me just tell you, that face was no joke!!
And finally during the UK’s hottest week in history, as we sat waiting nervously in a familiar little room waiting to join our matching panel a message pinged through from our one and only beautiful girl.
good luck ur gonna do amazing just be urselves!! Love u both xxx❤❤
As we continued our wait scanning the room my gaze landed on a children’s painting hanging behind the family finder’s head of a child standing under a rainbow. Cue twilight zone freaky music (I’m not making this up I promise) and I thought to myself surely that must be a good omen?