While it’s been a challenging year to say the least, it is one that has been unexpectedly lightened by moments of joy and self fulfilment and as I prepare to walk into my 40th year, I do so with a newfound clarity as to who I am, what I want from life and who I can rely on when faced with adversity.
I’m not sure I’ve ever been ‘normal’ what’s normal supposed to look like? Answers on a post card please.
Weaving through the fields together on what transpired to be the longest walk home from our first gathering in eleven weeks, I waffled animatedly about my aspirations until she stops suddenly turns to look at me and then announces ‘ I think your f**cking crazy’ (cue long pause and goofy smile) before she continued with......’but I bloody love you’.
In the current climate we have of course not been able to introduce anyone else and as a result our toddler now calls the phone ‘Nana’!
'I hadn't actually H, but now that you mention it, that feels like the perfect way to sum up our story up........as we started with E and ended with one too.'
And finally in the same week as the ‘Bo Jo’ courtroom saga the 'Jo Jo' courtroom battle played out too. Adoption’s very own version of Brexit - should the baby we are matched with remain with his foster carers or leave and come to us.
In our story this particular 'Jobsworth' actually raised a very interesting debate at our expense, subsequently placing our entire adoption on hold and causing what one can only describe as a 'professional shit storm'.
In true Magnus Magnusson style I will continue to write my story to the very end, even if it is a flipping novel, (with tragic undertones) by the time I finish!
A matter of days later during our 'chemistry meeting' I got to cradle my baby for the first time, I got to inhale my babies' smell and as my baby slept soundly on my chest for a short while I secretly knew that I had finally found ‘the one’.
Entering the room we took our seats and my mouth instantly became dry. Searching for water my hands shook slightly and as the water danced in the cup it reminded me of the Jurassic park park scene where the T Rex approaches.......... Sh*t am I going to get eaten alive?